It is the fall of l870. I am the sheriff of Yuma, Arizona. I have a girl friend named Calamity Jane who runs a disreputable hotel for women. Need I say more ?
I just purchased l00 enema bags from the Sears catalog. I gave them to her for Christmas last year. I was out chasing outlaws and I just captured the notorious Jenny Jones Gang. Her right hand woman was Rosie O’Donnel. I arrested her for disturbing the peace. She was singing show tunes off key. I shot five of her troupe of outlaws. Rosie and Jenny were sentenced to Yuma Women’s Prison. Calamity’s calamity.
I stopped over to see Calamity and she was in a bitchy mood. “Hey you Wyatt Earp wannabe, how you doin’, you old John Wayne has been…” she sassed.
I couldn’t take any more so I ripped Jane’s dungarees and shirt off till she was nude.. She cussed, “You bastard !” and over my knee she went. I really laid it into her : WHAM WHAM WHACK THWACK. She thought she was Maureen O Hara.
I finally stopped. Her bottom was throbbing. She was sobbing on my shoulder and I was comforting her. She said, “I’m sorry. I don’t feel well. Could you please help me with an enema ?”
“Why ma’am I’d be plum tickled to.” The hotel was equipped with a big irrigation room complete with a big massage table in the center. All kinds of enema cans and bags were at my disposal. Jane did not particularly like enemas. She walked slowly down the hall to her impending doom. I gave her a couple more slaps to move it. All the guests stayed at Kellogg’s Hotel so they were very familiar with the enema.
Jane undressed and looked deeply into my eyes. I held her close to my rapidly beating heart. She was filled with deep apprehension. That wasn’t the only thing she was going to be filled with that night. Her little vagina sparkled like a diamond in the night. She turned over on her side and exposed the most beautiful orifice of her body. I turned on all the oil lamps so could see her rectum.
I greased her anus with butter and slowly introduced the nozzle into her waiting anus I chose a two quart enema can from the hook on the wall and placed on the stand. It was filled to the top with hot soapsuds. I put her in the Simm’s position and turned on the flow She started to sing : ‘The Raging Waters Fill My Soul.’ I said hush. The enema took forever to run in. She was filled to the brim. I held a rag next to her bottom and she held it for l5 minutes. I finally put her on the bedpan. I could soon smell the results. I had to empty the bedpan three times. I gave her two more quarts of water as a rectal rinse.
She got up off the table and said thanks for the spanking and enema, “That was woooooooooonderful.” Jane looked up at me and said, “Dave you don’t look well at all.”
In a few minutes I was the recipient of a spanking and an enema. I thought the enema would never end. It seemed to be reaching the inner most cavities of my body. It was the most painful enema I ever had. She had given me one before when I went out in hot pursuit of some desperados.
This one was worse. I lay on the table in the center of the room and Jane was busy massaging my tummy. It was all I could do to hold it in. I kept shouting expletives and she gave me another spanking. Between the spanking and the enema I was flabbergasted.
Finally she put me on my back on the bedpan and left me to expel the enema. It came out with thunderous results. I had eaten beans for supper. She also gave me another two quart rinse. The second one felt pretty good. I got rid of a lot of gas with that one.
We were very washed out after the enemas and we slept in the hotel in the back of the irrigation room. We pulled two beds together. After a person receives an enema they have to rest for an hour on the cot. So we kept the bedpan beside the bed and slept till noon the next day.
It is the day after and we’ve never felt better. The can is still drying on the IV stand beside the table. We fall madly in love after that enema session. We were married in two weeks. We bought the hotel and now we have ‘The John Kellogg Hotel for Men and Women.’
John stops in once a year to get detoxified by a series of enemas . He likes Jane real well. She told him, “You sure do take a good enema.”
Oh and Mae West who was 2l at the time stops in. Nobody knew who she was then. This was thirty years later. The business is still flowing quite well and good to the last drop.