I want to share with you a true story of my aunt Sarah.
Last month I visited my aunt Sarah . She phoned me and asked me to come to her as she wants to speak with me. Sarah is a sister of my mother. She is 3 years younger then mother and is very different from mother. Sarah is a very open and liberal person, she has a good sense of humor. All my years I could speak with her freely about every thing that I felt I could not
tell mother or ask mother. I’ll give an example: If I’ll ask mother “how was I born?” mother will say “how do you expect me to remember this? it was so long ago, 27 years ago”. Mother will never admit to me she did or does sex with father. But, if I’ll ask Sarah “how Dany (her son - my cousin) was born?” She will say “ooohh, Ilana, I had such a wonderful fuck with Josef (her husband - my uncle) that night. He gave me a great orgasm. I became pregnant, and Day was born.” In short, she is more an older sister for me than an aunt.
When I arrived I saw she is very sad. She told me she has to do some medic exam. She did this exam many years ago. She got a very big trauma of that exam. She needs to speak to someone about this to take if off her heart. I never saw her in such a mood. I asked her does Josef know? Have you talked with him? Sarah said “Josef knows every thing but he thinks that this
trauma and big fear of this exam was only because i was so young that time. Josef says it will be just easy this time”. I said to her “Sarah, are you ill? is something wrong with you?”
Sarah said “Ilana, you know i have those pains in my legs when i walk. Every one is sure it has something to do with my back. But, the truth is, it is not my back. The problem is in my blood vessels. You know, Ilana, the aorta carries blood from heart to feet. Somewhere below bellybutton this aorta splits into two. Each of these two blood vessels carry blood to one leg. My aorta is corked somewhere above this split. So, when i walk, my feet muscles don’t get enough blood or oxygen this is why my feet hurt me so much while i walk. In the last two years this problem became very disturbing. I went to a doctor, and he told me i must do an angiography “.
I asked Sarah “what in hell is angiography?” Sarah said, smiling, her sense of humor never leaves her, “how right you are. It is really a hell”. she continued: “Angiography is an x-ray of blood vessels. They want to see where exactly the vessel is corked, and what they can do about it.” My reaction to this was: “Sarah, i just can’t believe this. you had a trauma of an x-ray. you, Sarah, are afraid of an x-ray check!?” Sarah said “i know why i called you here. You are 27 years old now, and you are as naive and as dumb as i was that time, 24 years old. Now listen before you ask such silly questions”. And this is what she told me:
“It was 27 years ago. I was 24 years old then, and Dany (her son, my cousin) was 3 years old. You, Ilana, was right in the belly of your mother, she was then in third month with you. For about two or three years, I had those pains when I walked. Not always. There were days I could walk for hours and nothing happened. But on some other day, I couldn’t walk more then 50 meters without stopping for a rest. On such a day, I had to stop every 50 or 100 meters. It disturbed Josef very much. He wanted me to see a doctor. I was a healthy young mother. I felt healthy, and didn’t want to see a doctor. But, Josef didn’t want to leave it. So, I went to our doctor. He was sure it is something in my back. He sent me to some other doctor, and this one sent me to x-ray my back. Nothing wrong was found. So I went to still another doctor. This one, heard my story and didn’t even told me to open my mouth and say aaahhh. He said: “I think maybe the problem is in your blood vessels. He sent me to a well known professor who was also the head of blood vessels department in a big hospital. This Prof., his name was T., died more then ten years ago. Josef and me went to him together. He was a lovely man. I think he was about 60 years old then. He had those clever eyes and spoke to me like a father. After only few minutes he had my full trust.
I told him all the story. When I finished he told me to lay on table. I asked him “do I need to undress?” he said, with a smile, “well, I can’t tell if YOU need. I, for my self, don’t need you undressed”. So, I lay on my back. He took 8 BP sleeves, put two of them, one on each hand. Then he pulled my skirt up and put three BP sleeves on each leg. One just below groin, another below knee, and the last just above ankle. He took BP in each of them for long time. He did it, if I remember good enough,
3 or 4 times on each sleeve. When he finished he said “well, Sarah, I think I know what the problem is. But I can’t tell you anything before I know for sure. I need an x-ray to be sure. Come tomorrow 8:00 o’clock to my department in hospital. We’ll do this X-rays, and then I’ll be able to tell you every thing”. In the evening I asked my next door neighbor if I can leave Dany with her, tomorrow morning, for about two hours (I assumed two hours will do for going, by bus, to hospital, make an x-ray and come back), as I need to do some x-ray. She agreed. And, Monday morning 8:00 o’clock, I will never forget this Monday, I was at Prof. T’s hospital department.
A nurse was there. I told her my name and asked about Prof. T., The nurse told me Prof. T. already gave her orders. She told me I have to go to floor 7 surgical room number 3. She gave me a note, written in Latin, and told me to give it there to the technician. I asked her “why surgical room? isn’t it x-ray’s room I have to go to?” The nurse said “this is an angiography.
Angiographies are done here in a surgical room”. This was the first time in my life I heard this word “angiography”. So, I went to floor 7, and knocked on door number 3. A man came out. I gave him the note. He took it, read it, and told me to wait outside some minutes. After about 10 minutes this technician, who was about 30 years old, came out, and begun to search the hall with his eyes. No one was there except me. as he saw no one, he asked me “well, where is she?” I asked “who?” he said “your mother, we need to begin preparations”. I said “why my mother. My mother has nothing to do with it”. He says “is it you for angiography?” I said “yes. Its me”. Ilana, you never saw a young man blushing so deep as he did when I said it. He said “ok. sorry, I thought it is your mother. I’m very sorry”. I asked him “why did you think so?” and he said “well…usually we do this
angiographies to older women. wait here”, and he fled himself back inside.
He came out again after a moment, still very red, and asked me in. Now I begun to feel very uneasy, I felt something is not just so plain as I thought it will be.
In I went. There was another young man. This one looked younger then the technician. He said “hello Sarah, my name is R. I’m a nurse. I’m really very sorry, but we have no female nurse for you today. We are very short with nurses because of this flu. I’m so sorry”. It was in news that all hospitals were very short with stuff because of flu. I knew it. But my head begun to spin, thoughts run in my head “why nurse?”, “why is he apologizing so much”. My uneasy feeling become very strong. I didn’t have much time to think, or to worry, as he handed me a sheet and continued “Sarah, you have to undress. Here is a screen, go behind it” and added “I’m sorry, you have to take off all your cloths”.
Ilana, you don’t know how shy I was that age. Do you remember how shy you were when you was 16 years old, Ilana? well, I was much more shyer at 24. No one saw me naked except Josef, my gynecologist and few nurses when any was born. My uneasiness changed into a light panic. I knew something bitter is here for me. As a child and a girl I broke my hand twice, and
done x-rays. Add to it many lungs x-rays when I had colds. So I knew one has to uncover parts of body. But completely nude? I became red now more then that technician. I went into the behind this screen, and while undressing I thought to myself “well, what can I do? so what, they will see me naked for 5 minutes. I’m sure they have seen it before”. I undressed, put the sheet around me and came out. R., the nurse, told me to lay down on this metal table. As I did it, the technician said “I’m going out to see where is the doctor. He should be here by now”. And out he went. Ilana, at the end of that day I knew that R. and this technician were both good men. Before the end of that day I knew the technician went out of room only for me. He knew what was coming for me.
As he went out R. said “Sarah, I’m so sorry, if I only could do something that instead of me, a female nurse will do it. But, you see, I must shave your pubic hair. I’m really sorry, Sarah, believe me”. I seated myself up on table, my eyes full with tears and with high voice I said “what is going on here. I came only for an x-ray. Something is wrong here. I think you all have some big mistake here. I just need an x-ray, not a surgical treatment. Call Prof. T., before you do any thing, and ask him again”. R. became very red. My eyes were full with tears, but I could see he is really very uneasy. He brought a bundle of tissues, dried my eyes, and said “look at me Sarah, look into my eyes. Please, I want you to believe me I’m very unhappy about it. But I can’t do anything to change it. Please, co-operate with me. This whole procedure of angiography is very unpleasant. I’ll do what
ever I can to make it easy for you. Cry, if you want. Here take this bundle of tissues, hold them next to you. You’ll need more of them. Cry, but do everything as I tell you or as the doctor will tell you”. I looked at him, I saw his eyes were also full of tears. He didn’t cry. The tears didn’t run out, but he had tears in his eyes. I felt then I can trust him. I understood that second why the technician went out. R. continued “there is no mistake here. But, angiography is not the regular x-rays you had in past. Doctor has to make a small cut in your groin. He will find the right blood vessel there. He will insert a narrow tube into this vessel, like they do with infusion. For him to do it, you must be shaved down there. Then some fluid will be forced through this tube into your blood. This fluid is shown in x-ray. This way they know if some vessel is corked, how much corked, and where exactly is that cork.”
Ilana, when I heard all this, all pieces of puzzle fell in place. All the little strange things that happened and was said before became a clear picture. I felt deep confident in R. I lay myself back on table gave him the best smile I could make at such a moment, and said “ok, R., I understand now. I know you are a good man. Go on. Do what you have to do”. R. smiled back and said “I know you are a mother. So I know you have been shaved in past. But I have to shave you better than they do before giving birth. I have to shave your lips and the groin next to them in such a way no trace of hair is left there. I have done it before, but i don’t like it. Its not like shaving a face or a belly or the pubic area. So, I beg you, just try not to move when I’m doing it.” I said I’ll try to be a good girl.
R. brought a foam can and some razors. He lifted the sheet just enough for him to see what he is doing. First he put foam on my pubic and shaved it. I hardly felt anything. He had such a light hand. Then he put foam on my lips and begun to massage it in. As he did so he said “Sarah, please open your legs a bit”. I think my shame took away my brain. So I took his words for
what they were and opened my legs just a bit. R. said “Sarah, don’t do it to me. I need more space, please. Don’t make it hard for me”. My brain came back and I said “R. I’m sorry. I’ll do what you ask. Will it be easier for you if I raise my knees?” he said “yes, please”. I said “ok. You arrange my legs as best for you”. He opened my left leg but didn’t bent it, Than took my right leg opened it bent it and put the leg on table. That way my right side was very open. He continued to massage my right side groin and my right lip.
Then he begun to shave the right side. I know he did the best he could. But he was right. Its most tricky to shave pussy lips. He had to pull the lip this way and that way. In order to pull it he had to hold it. Well, one can’t hold a lip without inserting his fingers, with out touching inner lips, without moving fingers along lip in the inner side according to the blade movement on the outer side. Add to it the very slippery state of the area. Well, Ilana, I begun to feel aroused. The more he worked there the
more I become aroused, the more I become aroused the more I become shamed. This caused me, without feeling I’m doing so, to close slowly my legs. R. opened them back, and continued his work. And I closed them a bit again. I felt my face is red hot. I put a hand over my eyes. R. felt something is wrong and said to me “Sarah, what is the matter? did I hurt you?” I didn’t know what to answer. What could I answer? That he is arousing me sexually? As he saw I don’t answer, he raised his eyes and saw my hot red face. He understood what is the matter. He said “Sarah, I can’t help it. There is no other way to do it. I must go on with it. If i’ll feel its too much for you I’ll stop for a while”. I broke in tears. I said to him “thank you”.
It went on and on. He could not shave it, as it should be, in one time. You saw me naked, Ilana, you know what a big bush I have there (That is true. I saw her naked. I never saw my mother naked, though). So he put more foam and shaved again. I was on just one split of a second from an orgasm. I was so ashamed. I wanted to die. Tears run none stop, I felt my face is
burning, my whole body was covered with sweat and I felt this wonderful thing down there going on and on. When he finished the right side, he let me rest for a short time and begun the left side. It was all over again the same thing. I prayed to God it will be finished soon, and i wanted it to continue. I prayed to God to help me not to orgasm under R.’s hands, and I wanted so much this orgasm. I wanted to run away, and wanted more of it. My brain was boiling. The blanket was soaked with my sweat and tears. At last, after about 30 minuets, he finished.
He washed me, down there, with some warm cloth. He saw the soaked sheet, brought me another one. He put the new sheet over the soaked one and pulled it out. He looked at me and said “Sarah, you have a long day yet. I’m going out. I leave here a new cloth you can wash yourself”. I wanted to sit up, but my head begun to spin. He saw it and said “no, I can’t leave you
alone like this. Do you want me to wash you?” I felt I need a warm shower, but his cloth was the best I could get. So I said “yes, please thank you”. He washed me all over. I felt much better and calmer. But I knew I’m in shock. I felt it. He brought me a glass of cold water. He apologized he does not have coffee there in the surgery room. Then he phoned the doctor and told
him I’m ready for him.
After some short time, a doctor came in with the former technician and another technician. The doctor presented himself as Dr. B. He told me he is going to give me two shots. One to make me a little dazed. The other one in the place where he is going to make a little cut, to kill pains there while he cuts. At this moment it suddenly got into my mind I would not be able to be back home so soon today. I left Dany for only two hours, and it was already 9:30. I begun to cry again and the Dr. asked me “what happened? I didn’t touched you yet”. I told him no one said to me I’ll have to be here such a long time. I told him I must call my neighbor and tell her it will be longer then I thought. R. said “I’ll call her. Just be calm.” He did it for me.
Dr. B. gave me one shot in arm. Then he lifted the sheet so my belly and downward were uncovered and asked me to open wide as I can the left leg. I did it by doing the position R. put my leg when he shaved me. Dr.B. begun to touch and press my groin. Then he asked me to open the second leg. He did the same there, and said “I’ll do it in the right side”. Then he pulled
my right leg in order to open it as much as possible. He pulled until it hurt me. He stopped, and strapped it in that place. He strapped my other leg too. Then he washed the place with some alcohol, and gave me two shots in my groin. Then R. put over the whole area of pubic, pussy and groin this ugly reddish fluid to kill all germs there. They covered me again and waited about 10 minuets for the shots to act. Dr. B. took a knife. The blade of it was shaped like a triangle. He uncovered me again and begun to cut in my groin. The two technicians were somewhere behind my head, and R. stood next to my holding my hand.
Dr. B. cut with the point of this triangle blade. I didn’t felt any pain. I felt like he is pushing it into my flesh. The cut was really small, as I saw it afterwards. But he went in and deeper, until I felt this sharp pain. I shouted, but he continued. It really hurt. Then he found the vessel and put into it this narrow catheter which was connected with a pipe to a container of milky fluid above table. He continued to work there. I don’t know what he did there, but i think he secured the place so the blood
vessel will not blast or catheter will come out. When he finished, it didn’t hurt any more. Maybe he gave me another shot, there, of pain killer. Dr. B. said they will begin the angiography now. He told me the table will move so they can take x-ray pics of my whole body. He said they will do it several times. I asked him if more pain is coming. He said no but I will have some queer feeling when the fluid is forced into blood. He told me again not to move at all while they do the x-ray. The technician put some
films under table, along it. He smiled to me. He gave me a wink like saying “be strong!”. I couldn’t see the other technician. but he was in room.
Then he took the sheet off me. I was there, on table, naked, open strapped legs, 4 men in room. I shut my eyes. Tears run on my face. They all went into a cell (protect them of x-rays) and it begun. It really didn’t hurt. But, i felt like very hot water running through my body. Like a very hot shower is done inside me. In the first seconds I felt it - I tried to sit up. Dr. B. shouted at me “DON’T MOVE!!! DON’T MOVE”. The table moved and stopped, moved and stopped. And Dr. B. is shouting “don’t move”, and I feel like someone is cooking me inside. No pains but so hot inside. Then it stopped. They went out of protecting cell and came to me. They covered me. The technician took out the films and put new instead. The other technician went to develop them. When he came back it begun all over again. Off went the sheet. They all gathered in the protecting cell and Dr. B. shouting “don’t move….don’t move”. And again a hot inner wash. I was again covered with sweat. The sheet was soaked with sweat.
After the third time was done - Dr. B. told me they have to wait for about 10 more minutes until the last pics are developed. I don’t have to remind you, Ilana, I was in a shock state all the time add to it the dazing shot Dr. gave me. But I suddenly felt a big need to pee. I looked at the clock on the wall. It was 10:45. Last time I pee’d was about 6:30 as I got up that morning. I said to Dr. B. i need to pee. R., the nurse, brought this jar. Dr. B. put it next to pussy and said “here you go”. They all went to the protecting cell. I tried to pee but i could not. I never peed in presence of others and knew they see me through the glass walls of this cell. I also knew they can hear it. I again begun to cry and sob. I was so ashamed. Dr.B. asked me “why are you crying again?”. I said “I can’t do it while you are in room. please, leave me alone for a moment”. Dr. B. said it is not allowed to leave a patient in my state alone even for a second. One of them must stay in room. I said “I can’t. please!!! I must pee. I’m bursting, please!” and continued to cry and sob. R. said to Dr. B. “She is suffering. You can see it. Why don’t you put a catheter to relief her?”. Dr. B. answered “you know I’m not allowed to do it. Only an urologist or a gynecologist are allowed to do it. Where from I shall bring here now one of them?”. When I heard this I became hysteric and begun to shout with my highest voice “get out!! let me pee!! get out of this room this second!! leave me alone!! get out!!” and tried to seat myself up. Dr. B. run to me. Hold me, tried to calm me and said “Ok. We’ll go out, just lay still”. They went out. I saw they left the door just a bit open. But they were not in room. The second they left, I begun peeing. I pee’d so much I felt the jar must be full. So I called R. in. He came in running. I told him, still peeing, “change the jar”. In three seconds he was next to me with a new one. I stopped peeing and said “change it”. As I felt the new jar touch my pussy I continued to pee. R. was holding the jar and i pee’d. It was such a relief. I pee’d and saw R. standing there, holding the jar, looking at my face and smiling that “I-know-how-you-feel” smile. When I finished, he went to the door and said to them “wait here for 5 minutes. Don’t come in yet”. He took away the soaked sheet, brought a warm wet cloth, washed me all over again, washed pussy too, dried me and covered me with a fresh sheet. Ilana, this man was an angel. While he did it he said to me “its over now. all is left to do is fixing your groin. It will hurt a little. But this is the end, Sarah”. He called them back in.
Dr. B. bent again at my groin. He worked there and while doing so he asked R. to bring him a stool. Dr. B. stood on this stool and suddenly he put his two fists together on the cut place and begun to press it with all his strength, adding his body weight to the strength of pressing. It hurt. It hurt very much. And he continued this for more then 10 minutes. I cried and sobbed . He said “I’m sorry, Sarah. I know it pains. I must do it because the pressure of the blood in this vessel is very high. It must be well
glued otherwise you’ll lose much blood”. At the moment he took away his fists, The technician put there a very heavy metal weight. Dr. B. told me i have to stay with this metal weight not less then 45 minutes. They all left the room except R. He dried again my eyes. He spoke to me to take my mind off this pain of weight.
After about 1/2 an hour I felt again a need to pee. I told him. He brought again a jar. He told me he must hold it in place because the metal weight doesn’t leave proper place there for the jar. I said “never mind” and peed. I felt happy I could pee this way him holding the jar, seeing and hearing. I felt like I owe it to him as a gesture of confidence in him. As if I’m saying “you are like a very intimate trusted family member”. I think he read my thoughts, because when i finished he said, with this warm smile and humor on his face “you just gave me a great honor, i’m sure you never gave such a honor any one else even your husband”. He washed me down there again.
When the 45 minutes passed he called the technician. They put me in a normal bed and brought me to Prof. T.’s department. I wanted to see him, but they told me he wasn’t there. They told me I must stay there another 3 hours for observation. After that time the told me I can go home.
I took a taxi and went home. I phoned my neighbor, told her to keep Dany with her until Josef comes home, and went right into bed shaking with tears, feeling humiliated, feeling this big anger, almost hate, toward Prof. T., feeling my dignity was taken away, feeling my freedom do decide things for myself was stolen. I still was in shock. I just cried and cried. When Josef arrived, at last, I just continued to cry. I could not speak. He was not himself seeing me like this. He said “please Sarah, say
something, what happened?”. But i could not speak. I only took off the blanket and showed him my shaved pussy and the bandage on my groin. Only after two more hours I calmed enough to tell him what happened.
A week after this we went together to Prof. T. to hear what did he learned from this angiograms. I wanted to kill him. Right at the door I asked him “why didn’t you tell me what really these x-rays are?”. He didn’t answer. He asked me to sit down, looked at me with his clever eyes and said “Sarah, tell me the truth, if I had told you what is this all about, would you done this in giography? but, only the truth, Sarah”. I didn’t need to think about it. I just whispered “never in my life”. T. said “I knew it. I meant only your good”. He wrote me medications I took for three years. He told me to walk as much as I can. he said the aorta is partly corked. But i’m young, and my body will build natural bypasses. So it was. I didn’t suffer any more until some years ago. From Prof. T. we went to hospital. I wanted to say again “thank you” to R., the nurse. We brought with us a nice present for him.”
Sarah ended her story, looked at me and said “you see, Ilana, now I must do it again. I feel I just can’t do it. I’m unable to go through it again”. I knew she is waiting for me to say something. I said “Sarah, I think Josef is right. I think the trauma and shock you have been in was only because you were young and shy and didn’t know what you are going to do. 27 years passed. You are not the same shy person today. You know right well what is the procedure. It will be much easier this time”. We continued to speak about it for two hours. When I left home, I had the feeling she will do it.
A HAPPY END
Sarah did it. 27 years is a lot of time for medicine too. Sarah came there morning. She went into x-ray room, this time. A Dr. was there. He asked her to undress but leave on her bra and panties. He told her to lay on belly. He went into her aorta trough her back with this long needle (the aorta is just near the spine). It didn’t hurt. She felt only the needle like a shot. The fluid did not felt hot. She didn’t felt it at all. It took 20 minutes and she went out. She had to stay a day more in hospital for observation. So simple. So easy. No pains. No humiliation. Totally different.
AND A LAST REMARK
Well…not totally…two things were the same. The first one: She was again angry “why no one told me it is so easy. I could spare myself all this worry”. The second one: She is shaved again. Josef shaved her, so good, so nice, so smooth the night before her angiography. I gave her that advice when we spoke and she thought it was a good idea :)
A REMARK TO LAST REMARK
I didn’t made my mind, yet, if i’ll ever ask her if she had an orgasm this time :) :)