What was your first pelvic exam like?
This story is 100% true. It is not embellished, this is my memory. Nothing bizarre happens, and no orgies here….just my recollections. I hope you enjoy reading it.
I was 17 years old when I had my first pelvic examination. I had been dreading it for 2 years, since I had been sexually active, and kept putting it off. But now I had a discharge that I didn’t recognize, and needed a more reliable form of birth control, and I had no choice. So, I scheduled an appointment with the local teen clinic, since it was free if you were young, and birth control was inexpensive there, too. I still remember that I was so nervous the night before my exam that I couldn’t sleep.
On the day of the exam, I showed up at the clinic, filled out the forms, and waited. It felt like forever, I was so scared I couldn’t stop squirming in the waiting room. I had put on my nicest panties and bra, and I had read what to expect, but I was totally unprepared for the reality and exposure of the actual exam.
A close friend of mine’s mom worked at this clinic as a nurse, and it was she who called me when it was time for my appointment. I went upstairs (the clinic was in a converted house)and she led me into a small room where she took some information, weighed and measured me, and then asked me if I preferred someone else to perform my physical examination since I knew her, and was close friends with her son. I was so scared, I just instinctively said that it didn’t matter to me, but I was dying inside. I guess I was just trying not to show how nervous I was.
She led me into the adjoining exam room, the table was sideways in the middle of the room with the stirrups extended on the end and there wasn’t much else to look at. I had never seen stirrups before, and I couldn’t imagine that in a few minutes I would be in these ones. She put a paper examination gown on the table and told me to take off everything, including my bra and panties, and put on the gown. She didn’t say to leave the gown open in the front, though, as is the typical custom if given a gown to wear for a pelvic exam. I of course didn’t know any better, and put the opening in the back.
I remember how rushed and terrified I felt, taking off all my clothes in that little room in that strange house! I sat up on the exam table with my feet hanging over the sides of the table (again, I didn’t know any better)and tried in vain to cover my rear end, which felt so exposed with that gown open in the back! I was embarrassed beyond belief, and I noticed that I was getting wet between my legs. As I waited for my exam to start, I tried to wipe away the moisture with the edges of my gown. That paper gown felt like I was wearing nothing at all, and I was shaking.
Next, the nurse came in (not my friend’s mom, she must have asked someone else to examine me…I guess it was obvious how nervous I was!) and listened to my heart through the open back of the gown. Even that was embarrassing, cause I knew my butt was fully visible, but I had no idea what was to come… Next she seemed a bit amused that my gown was on backwards, but she said nothing about it, and told me to slip my arms out of the gown, and hold it at my waist for the breast exam. My face started to flush, and I did as she asked, thinking this was the most humiliating experience of my life. Next she stood across the room and just looked at me, naked from the waist up. She told me to put my arms over my head, then told me to bend over at the waist a little and let my breasts “dangle” a bit.
Finally, she walked over to me, and helped me to swing my legs around the stirrups (not in them yet) so I could lie down flat on the exam table. She did the breast exam, and I thought it took forever. I just wanted to get out of there so badly ! I remember her hands all over my breasts, and I had never been naked in front of anyone before, not even my boyfriend … it was terrifying.
Once she had finished, she pulled my exam gown down a bit until my pubic hair showed (since my arms were out of it for the breast exam, it was now just laying on top of my lap, covering from the waist down) and she began to push on my abdomen. All I could think of was her seeing my pubic hair, and my face was getting hot with embarrassment. She said I could put my arms back in the exam gown now, and told me to put my feet in the stirrups. I looked at these strange metal extensions sticking out crudely from the end of the table, and had no idea how to do that. It looked barbaric and offensive to me. I didn’t know if I should put my feet kind of “through” them, or just sit my feet nor heels “on” them, or what! And I really didn’t want to do it all, anyway.
But, I did, and I just sat my heels in them and waited. But I didn’t know I was supposed to slide all the way down the table, and she had to ask me to do that. Now she had moved around the table from the side to the area at the foot of the table, between the stirrups, and was standing between the stirrups. I was surprised when she asked me to slide down, and I started scooting down, while trying to keep my knees together a little bit. I slid down, and stopped. She said, “further”. I moved down more. She said “keep coming this way”, I moved down more, and she said “just keep sliding down until you feel like you’re going to fall off the table”! So, I did, still keeping my legs together a little bit.
When my bottom finally felt like it was a little bit off the table, she said “that’s good, you can stop there”. I couldn’t believe how strange this was!! It felt so incredibly awkward. Then she asked me if I had any discharge, and like an idiot I said no, but that was the real reason I was there…I’m not sure what I was thinking, I mean, she was going to see it, right?!!! Stupid, but I was that scared, I guess, not thinking right, and too embarrassed to be honest. So, I tried to open my legs a little bit, while she went to the nearby instrument table and made some preparations. I was thinking that I was doing the right thing, opening my legs a bit, until my knees were just about pointing straight up to the ceiling (as opposed to having them touching). I was trying to second guess her, so she wouldn’t have to ask me to open my legs. I was totally humiliated laying there like that, I felt stunned.
She finished with her preparations and sat down on the stool. I heard the wheels scoot across the floor about a foot or so, until all I could see was the top of her head and her eyes between my legs. She moved a metal swing arm lamp between my thighs and quickly switched it on. The heat hit my vagina like a shock-wave! I was totally unprepared for how warm that light be. Then it occurred to me that it was phenomenally embarrassing, too.
“Spread your legs for me,” came next.
What ? They were spread, weren’t they ?
Surprised again, I spread my legs another inch or so, and she said, “Spread your legs wide for me”. I wanted to die! I could feel myself getting wet now from sheer embarrassment and the heat of that damned light, and I coul not believe this was what a pelivic exam was really like ! How did women do this ? When I thought my legs were spread enough, I stopped again, and this time she put her hands on the insides of my thighs, and slowly pushed them apart until they wouldn’t go any further.
The humiliation was so overwhelming that I didn’t know if I could hold the position. That damn hot light, the stirrups, her eyes looking at my vagina. I closed my eyes, but couldn’t find peace there, either. Then she questioned me again about the discharge, which was now obvious to her, and I said, again, “No, no discharge.”
Stupid, I just wasn’t all there at that moment, I guess. She said she would look at it under a microscope, and be right back. She took a sample, moved the light away from my thighs, and left the room for about 3 minutes, telling me just to “stay in position” until she returned. It was then I noticed that there was a picture of some soap opera star taped on the ceiling. I couldn’t have cared less. All I could think of when I looked at that photo was how lucky he was that he was a man and didn’t have to do this.
She returned and told me she would give me a prescription for the yeast infection, and it was nothing to worry about. “Let’s do the rest of your exam now” she said. I heard the snap of rubber gloves. I couldn’t imagine how much more there was…I thought she would just look between my legs a bit more, and that would be it. I was wrong. She began by separating my outer lips with both hands, and running her fingers down both sides of my vagina.
Next, she found my vaginal opening and pushed just her fingertip inside, and stretched the opening a bit. I saw her reach for something off of the table, and she said, “take a deep breath and relax”. I felt something hard pushing inside me, deep inside. Then she turned it and told me I would hear a click. It was more like a loud “snap” as the blades of the plastic speculum snapped into place.
She moved the light close again, and this time the heat from the lamp flooded inside me, through the blades of the speculum I closed my eyes and thought “Take it out” …. and I felt wet again. I could feel her taking the smear, and it was uncomfortable, but the “discomfort” was insignificant compared to the embarrassment of it all. I thought it was finally over when she removed the speculum.
She slid it out, and I still felt wide open. I wished my vagina would “close” again! I was ready to sit up, when she said, “We’re not finished here yet. Just keep your legs spread nice and wide for me.”
I had no idea what was next, but in seconds she was standing between my legs. I saw her squeeze KY jelly on her fingers. Then she put her hand right over top of my pubic hair on my abdomen, and put two fingers from her other hand all the way up my vagina. The hand on my abdomen pressed painlessly over and over into my body, while the fingers inside me pushed and stretched and pulled. I couldn’t believe this. I really was stunned. This part of the exam took a few minutes, and I thought she would never remove her hands. She slid her fingers out slowly, and I felt soaking wet, and in shock about how in depth a pelvic exam really is! She didn’t do a rectal exam, and I was grateful.
But during my next exam (with a different doctor) I wasn’t so lucky. Maybe I’ll tell you all about that one sometime, too… ).
I quickly got dressed, never having been so grateful to be in my clothes before, and looked at the instrument table at the stack of plastic speculums still in their sterile wrappers. Even then, I knew I wanted to take one, but I didn’t. It was odd that the instrument I had despised so much just a few minutes prior, I now wanted to take home.
I left feeling humiliated, but even that first time, the process excited me. What a strange bag of emotions it is…